One of the greatest joys of ministry is hearing from you and from the women who read my books. Every communication and testimony inspires me and I know will inspire you, especially if you struggling with an eating disorder and don't know what the next step should be. I received this email from Jen who just began I'm Beautiful? Why Can't I See It? This is not a promotion for the book, but rather a testimony to God's love, goodness and redemptive healing power working through other people.
Here is Jen's story...as of today!
I have received your book now and have read through Day 1 and 2 with my husband. He is very willing to work through this with me becuz I don't want to do it alone. I actually felt the eating disorder behavior "urges" come up stronger just by getting the book out of the mailbox! Of course, the enemy, satan, doesn't want me to dive into anything helpful or beneficial to my life!! Letting the anxiety go, I started reading and I'm so glad I did!!
I also have just found a therapist who is going to be working on the "root causes" of the eating disorder with me and Erin (my husband). They go way back to my childhood. After 2 appts w/ her, as scared as I am to go "deep" into myself, this is a right decision for me.
I know I am heading down a good path with you and your book, along with my new therapist! God has shown me that this is where I need to go into now, and the one big thing I am finding out, is that God does love me and has a great plan for me!
I have always believed in God and Jesus, altho growing up, we did not talk about the Bible to often nor did we ever pray outloud or together. So now today, in my adulthood, I am learning like a child in Sunday School, about the love of Christ and the relationship that He desires to have with me!
I am learning today that God has designed me in a creative way to be "me" and I am working hard to accept that His design for my body and my life IS the way I will be. I cannot "force or manipulate" myself into something other than what God intends me to be!
This week, I have learned to ASK God for things and not just "expect" Him to be there supplying me strength when I get tired and weak. When I ask for things, God WILL answer, it may not be right away or on my time frame, but he will respond to me!
Thinking and acknowledging that God KNOWS ALL about me, is kind of scary becuz I haven't really ever liked myself to well and it brings up feelings of shame inside of me for things that have happened to me and for trying to "hide" from Him. The things I try to hide, is my fear about knowing all about my body and loving it for what it is. I try to hide some of the disorder behaviors I use each day, and try to slide them off as "it's just me" when I am consumed by exercise or scared to eat something out of the "safe" list. The other thing I try to hide, is the fact that I need a relationship with my myself, my husband, kids and friends! I am apprehensive about getting to close to others, even my own wonderful family!
Now, having said those few things, I honestly can say for the first time in this healing process, that I want a relationship with Jesus & God!!! As much fear as I have to trust God and my support, I am going to work through this!