Friday night…Barney’s Bar & Grill…downtown Cedar Rapids…that’s where you’d find me. Barney’s was my Cheers; a place where I belonged; a place where I could sing and laugh; a place where I could get smashed and not be judged by other drunks. On this particular night a parental figure, concerned for my safety, gave me twenty dollars and told me to take a cab home. He made me promise. Of course I will! Take one guess where the money went.
The lights flickered on and off to the sound of, “We’re closing. Time to go!” I staggered to my car, a brand new Olds Cutlass which belonged to my employer. Unfortunately, unlike many other Friday nights, I located the car, got in, started the engine, and aimed for home.
A light turned red. I failed to stop. Crunch! Bang! I hit the truck in front of me. A man in his thirties emerged and appeared fine. His bumper took the brunt of the impact. However, the entire front end of my new company car was damaged extensively. A police officer arrived on the scene…and he wasn’t in a pleasant mood. He had come from another alcohol related accident which involved a fatality. Sobbing, I pleaded, “I live only two blocks away. You can take me home. …Please!” He didn’t accommodate my request. I went through the usual booking process and was then led to my cell for the night. I cried myself to sleep. When I woke in the morning I met two young women in the next cell who also were charged with DUI. They placated my guilt and shame for the moment. Then the time came to stroll next door for arraignment. Hand cuffed and completely humiliated, I conformed to the rules so I’d be released as quickly as possible. A first time offender, I was riddled with guilt and anxiety—guilt about what had happened and anxiety about my future. Trouble had only begun. A whole assemblage of stressors waited in line ready to wreak havoc.
As I look back to the countless times I drove drunk, I am truly blessed I never killed or severely hurt anyone. God had been very gracious. There is no such thing as karma, luck, or coincidence in the Christian life. If God is in control of everything, then what appears to be karma, luck, or coincidence is really a divine appointment made by God. It is no accident that today I teach and minister to women in a federal prison. My soul-hole was deep and stressed out. Because I chose not to fill it with Almighty God, I continued to live in the dark and in bondage. I drank in a futile attempt to self-medicate. Over the years friends called me on my bad behavior. My response, “I was drunk.” In other words, I’m not accountable for my actions! Addiction alters the brain chemistry affecting the process of thought and decision making. Denial, minimization, and justification are common.
There was no joy, no hope; only fear and self-condemnation. The shame kept feeding every destructive behavior: the bulimia, drunkenness, and promiscuity, which continued to feed the shame, fueling a never-ending cycle over which I had no control. Asking for help meant admitting I failed. People would see me as a phony. It felt safer to wear a mask of secrecy and deception.
The apostle John said, “People who do what is wrong hate the light and don’t come to the light. They don’t want their actions to be exposed” (John 3:20, GW). Long term recovery is possible with our great Physician. After surgically repairing my heart and mind, I eventually healed after twenty years of substance abuse (to alcohol, laxatives, diet, caffeine pills). Never give up, “For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).
Facing temptation is unavoidable. Even Noah, a God-fearing man, wasn’t immune. We find in Genesis 9:20-25, Noah, the man who walked with God and did all he commanded, laid drunk and uncovered in his tent.
After the account of the Flood and the divine promise given through a rainbow, why did the author include a story of drunken stupor, sexual immodesty, family shame, and a curse? Why didn’t the writer take a red pencil and “x” it out. What I know is, “All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). There must be a moral and spiritual lesson for us.
In this story we’re reminded of mankind’s heart condition toward dysfunction. God saved Noah and his family, but salvation is not the same as transformation. Believers still fall into sin. We are not guaranteed of instant holiness when we say yes to Jesus Christ. It is the beginning of a journey into spiritual growth and godliness called sanctification.
Noah reminds us that we’re all sinners and mortal. Growing certainly involves an obedient response. But the Christian life isn’t about God barking orders from on high and we dutifully obey…or else. Rather, we choose to be obedient as our hearts and minds are changed by his grace.
Another reason for including the text might have been to highlight the consequences to Noah’s behavior. Noah’s grandson, Ham, and his descendants are cursed for his actions. As my life story illustrates, there are always consequences to destructive actions. We should understand our roots. Some of us inherited our troubles. Alcoholism frequently recurs in one’s children despite evidence that addictive behavior is not inherited. Children of alcoholics, for example, often become alcoholics because their parents modeled addictive behavior. “Monkey see, monkey do.” Many substance and behavioral addictions are passed on from generation to generation. It will continue until the behavior is stopped permanently.
God is the only one “who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things” (Psalm 103:3-5).
This is an excerpt from the book "Something Happened On My Way To Hell" by author Kimberly Davidson
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