Approval Junky

One enduring attribute of most human beings is that we obsess about the approval of others. Most often we don’t realize it is an obsession, but it is. We are approval junkies shaped by other people’s opinions—real or assumed. It is imperative to figure out if one is an approval junkie because this obsession affects more decisions than we realize.

I can’t recall a time I didn’t seek others approval. As a wee babe I needed my parent’s blessing. Then it was my grade school teachers and peer groups opinions that mattered most. It sort of mushroomed from there.

What I know now is my need for approval stems from insecurity—low self-esteem, self-image and self-worth. Living for two decades with a deadly eating disorder, and an addiction to alcohol and men, only made my need—or fear—for approval stronger.
Not surprisingly, fear of man’s approval is an attribute completely absent from Jesus’s thought process. The word “fear” has two meanings. ‘To be afraid of’ is what we normally think of. The other meaning is ‘to have a reverential awe of.’ Jesus said, “I will show you whom you should fear…” (Luke 12:5). Jesus is speaking of God the Father. Biblically, ‘to fear the Lord’ means we hold him up in reverence and with respect because he is so awesome and holy.

To ‘fear man’ can go either way. We can become so obsessed with another person that we are in reverential awe of them. Or, the other person’s opinion and approval of us is so important that we become afraid of the consequences of that person not approving of us. This first type of fear can be called idolatry. The second type of fear can be called debilitating. They are both strongholds which must be broken.
I began breaking down this stronghold by facing the fact I was an approval junkie, a.k.a. people-pleaser. God showed me that by obsessing about other people’s opinions I had a distorted view of reality.

If you look at Jesus’s life and teachings while he was on earth, he shows no adoration or fear of men, whether they be the hostile Pharisees or disciples in training. His life and message was completely God-directed. There was never a hint of compromise. He feared no human being.

Jesus zealously tells us not to fear mankind. He urges us to fear God only. We must break these behavior patterns and refuse to allow other people’s approval or disapproval dominate our thinking. The Word of God confirms:
• Those who hunger and thirst for God's approval will be blessed and satisfied (Matthew 5:6)
• We should not try to please men but God (1 Thessalonians 2:4).
• We were created for God—for his pleasure (Colossians 1:6).
God gives us his seal of approval! God “set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts...” (2 Corinthians 1:22). “You were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 1:13). Marked with a seal suggests possession and security. This means you belong to God.